First Meeting

Today I met with a therapist to help me deal with the depression I am experiencing. She has experienced two bouts of cancer herself. This was a difficult time for me, as I had to go through all of the cancer medical history. I could fill myself sliding down the depression mountain the more we talked. How could I feel so full of hope and optimism yesterday, and go back into crawling into bed today?

I guess I learned that there are going to be up and down days. That medication can only go so far. And we are still tweaking the medication. I just long for a normal day, feeling normal. I wish I had started this whole process with Philhaven much sooner. But depression is sneaky, it gets worse very, very slowly. It sucks you in. It makes each bump in the road a huge gully that seems impossible to travel over.

I wonder why God placed me with this person. I was looking for help and instead got a conversaton between two cancer survivors. She seemed amazed at what I had been through.

But I need to see the bigger plan. This was just a first meeting and she had to get to know me and why I was there. She also shared from her own life experiences which will be valuable. She also is a Christian.

But I did get shook up, and left with tears in my eyes.

She made an interesting comment about getting mad. Getting angry gives one a sense of power, while being depressed does not. And today I do feel angry at the situation I find myself in. But I know God is with me, and I know He understands. I need to push myself and not waste a minute of the precious life Christ gave me through His own death on the cross.

She also mentioned finding those golden moments in each day. I need to always be searching for those.